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Experiencing Shame

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Shame is an emotion with close ties to guilt, regret, embarrassment, and humiliation.  Like other emotions, these emotions are part of the system that helps us to interpret our environment, which in turn signals for an increase or decrease in behavior in relation to its benefit.  Depending then on the context, emotions may function in […]

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Sex Addiction Treatment: What works and who can be helped?

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Displaying patience with myself and with my family is difficult, and to date, there remains plenty of room my actions for my wife and children to witness additional growth.  I like when things work, whether that is my car that didn’t start in downtown Spokane today, or the recipe for a new type of crepe […]

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Accessing Help

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  Bob (not his real name) was in a crisis.  Thirty-five years old, married for 10 years, with two young girls, this U.S. Marine veteran, who served two tours in Iraq, was at risk of losing the job he had held for the past nine years.  An unannounced audit of his company issued laptop computer […]

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Borrowing Brains

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  I recently had an experience of watching a teenage borrow a brain.  That is, he was in relationship with a parent and trying to figure out something difficult.  It was fascinating to watch and be involved in the cooperation that was required between a 15 year old and his mom.  The situation was complex […]

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Growing Up

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I was reminded recently in a conversation with one of my sons how difficult it is to be in middle school.  You might remember middle school as well, or you might prefer to forget those few years.  Bottom line, growing in the midst of lots of changes as a middle school student includes  uncertainties about […]

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Nurturing

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Nurturing brings images of connection, safety, vulnerability.  I see differences in how my children receive the nurture that I or my wife offers to each of them. Sometimes they accept it readily, usually when they are sick or injured.  Sometimes it is difficult for them to receive what we are offering.  Sometimes they have to work […]

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Healthy Sexual Focus

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The other day I talked with one of my kids.  It was a random, but not so random conversation that involved my wife and myself.  In the dialogue, we were brought into the world of a child along with the sexual words that are used in the peer culture.  I heard words that I was […]

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Rewards, Choice, Addiction

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  Saturday at my house is the day of children’s allowances…it was the same for me growing up in my family and I wanted it to carry that forward with my children.  When my kids get their allowance, it is a much anticipated reward to buy the latest inexpensive, breakable toy or at times save […]

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Empathy

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  After listening to my children slam the door and mock each other in the process, I stopped the madness.  I yelled down the stairs to stop.  They did…thankfully.  In the same space and time, I was attempting to help another child with their homework and getting frustrated with the process, until I saw the […]

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Intimacy

n·ti·ma·cy ˈin(t)əməsē/ noun noun: intimacy close familiarity or friendship; closeness. “the intimacy between a husband and wife. INTIMACY is a deep biological need.  It is both a physical, emotional and spiritual connection.  In addiction, there is a false sense of intimacy.  There is a hope for the addict that something in sexually acting out will […]

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